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A virtual repository for the plethora of psychology and therapy-related things (quotes, articles, links, music, pictures) I come across each and every day. Disclaimer: Posting something to this site does not mean that I necessarily agree with or endorse the opinions being expressed therein. The articles I link to here are meant only to inform and inspire thought and discussion, but they are absolutely not meant to be taken as my personal or professional opinion on any particular issue. var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www."); document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E")); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-8160348-4"); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}
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"Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life."
“Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life.” - Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life
10.07.2018 - 21:11:41
Are People with ADHD Lazy? The “Moral Diagnosis” of ADHD
“…the idea that a person with ADHD is just being lazy is amazingly persistent. This doesn’t adequately acknowledge the significant amount of effort that they are often exerting. Their minds are working away, trying really hard to organize a boatload of undifferentiated information in their brains, even as they might seem “lazy” because they have trouble completing (and sometimes even starting!) tasks. But fMRI research conducted with children who have ADHD reinforces that “lazy” is simply an ADHD myth. In a presentation to the Society for Neuroscience, biologist Tudor Puiu suggested that in children with ADHD an important mental control area of the brain (the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex), works much harder and, perhaps, less efficiently than for those without ADHD. “These networks are disrupted.  The ADHD brain has to work harder than the normal brain,” he said.ADHD adults can tell you they are working really hard to get mentally organized—expending tons of energy on it—yet are frustrated that they get consistent feedback from important people (teachers when younger, parents, spouses, friends) that they aren’t working hard enough. This confuses hard work with results—and the two are sometimes strikingly disconnected for those with ADHD. One person I know described what it feels like to have ADHD as “having the Library of Congress in your head, but with no card catalogue.” Think about how hard it would be to get organized—a Herculean task!  Dealing with this sort of mind 24/7 can lead to a sense of helplessness—a sort of “I’m dancing as fast as I can so please don’t ask more of me” feeling. Sometimes that feeling is voiced (and often met with a disbelieving, “Then why aren’t you doing better if you’re trying so hard?” from a frustrated spouse or parent.)  Sometimes the “I’m dancing as fast as I can” feeling is not voiced but simply leads to feelings of overwhelm or paralysis.”—Melissa Orlov (full article here)
06.07.2018 - 21:19:02
How to Have Difficult Conversations
How to Have Difficult Conversations: Most everyone dreads having to have difficult, challenging conversations. These include conversations in which we have to deliver unpleasant news, discuss a delicate subject, or talk about something that needs to change or has gone wrong.Just thinking about having these conversations — whether with one’s partner, children (particularly adolescent or adult children), relatives, friends, or co-workers — can fill you with anxiety and trepidation, taking up space in your mind and distracting you from other important considerations that require your attention.The anxiety can relate to concerns about bringing up a sensitive issue, being uncomfortable with setting or enforcing limits, or worry about how the other person will react. People may be fearful that the conversation will precipitate bad feelings or conflict. Because these kinds of conversations can create such discomfort, it’s natural and normal to want to avoid having them altogether. The problem with avoidance is that, in the absence of a situation resolving on its own, putting it off only allows it to continue and potentially get worse.Planning and preparation can help turn down the volume of your apprehension and make it much more likely that the difficult conversations you need to have will be successful. As legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden put it, “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”PreparationFor challenging or difficult topics, it’s best to plan to have the conversation in advance: “I’d like to talk with you about…“ or, “We really need to talk about…” Then, mutually agree on a time and a place for the conversation, and agree to meet in a place with enough space for all participants to be “comfortable enough” and to see each other clearly.It’s never helpful to collect and hold on to feelings of frustration, anger, or resentment for days, weeks, or longer, and then dump them on another person all at once. Whenever possible, try to discuss challenging issues as they come up or soon thereafter.Ground RulesAs much as possible, stay at about the same eye level. In other words, it’s best if everyone participating is either seated or standing. It’s generally not helpful for one person to be physically “above” or “below” others.Speak directly to the other person(s).Speak as calmly and matter-of-factly as possible. This maximizes the chances that others will hear the content of your message, rather than fixate on your emotions.Avoid finger-pointing, whether blaming or literally pointing fingers. This tends to make the other person(s) feel lectured to or put down.Avoid name-calling, yelling, screaming, cursing, put-downs/insults, or threats (emotional or physical). When any of these happen, the only thing other people hear is anger and attack. As a result, they are likely to leave, shut down, or attack back. Treating others with respect is essential to healthy communication.In describing your concerns and the things you’d like to happen differently, be as clear as possible and use specific examples. Avoid the words “always,” “never,” “everything,” and “nothing.” These may express your frustration and upset, but they overgeneralize and are fundamentally inaccurate. As part of a communication process, they are unhelpful.No interrupting. When the other person is speaking, consciously listen to what he or she has to say with the intent of hearing it. This is very different from waiting for the other person to finish speaking so you can respond. If you’re thinking about what you’re going to say in response, while he or she is still speaking, you’re not really listening.Make sure you understand what the other person has said before you respond. If you’re not sure what he or she said or meant, ask for clarification. “Could you please repeat that?” “I’m not sure what you mean. Can you please help me better understand?”Approach the conversation with openness and an interest in problem solving, rather than needing to be “right.” Anytime we see it as a competition where we need to be “right,” it means the other person has to be “wrong.” This kind of rigid either/or, win/lose, or right/wrong mindset makes conflict much more likely and mutual understanding much less likely.Keep to the topic at hand. Focus on the topic of this conversation. Bringing up issues or complaints related to other topics or past events always interferes with healthy communication during the current conversation. Save those other issues for another time. If they continue to be important to you, you’ll remember them.Do not walk away or leave the conversation without the other person’s agreement. Allow for the possibility of time-outs. It’s important to discuss and mutually agree to the concept of a “time-out” as needed. Time-outs are not just for young children or professional sports teams. If things start to become too heated, it’s important for people to be able to take a time-out. Time-outs give people the opportunity and the space to calm down and compose themselves, making it possible to continue.Take responsibility for feeling the way you do, rather than blaming the other person. No one can make you feel a specific way. Use “I” statements — as in, “I feel…” Be clear and specific about what the other person did that contributed to your reaction. Rather than saying, “You make me so mad,” focus on the other person’s actual behaviors.Drop your assumptions. Just because you have been living or working together for a period of time doesn’t mean you know what the other person is feeling or thinking. People grow and change. What you want, need, or expect from each other changes and may need to be renegotiated from time to time.
06.07.2018 - 21:00:02
"The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves..."
“The largest part of what we call ‘personality’ is determined by how we’ve opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness.” - Alain de Botton
26.06.2018 - 21:00:03
Separation Is Never Ending: Attachment Is a Human Right
Separation Is Never Ending: Attachment Is a Human Right: “In 1960 John Bowlby wrote this about a young child’s understanding of separation: “He does not know death, but only absence; and if the only person who can satisfy his imperative need is absent, she might as well be dead, so overwhelming is his sense of loss.”
26.06.2018 - 20:30:53
"And here’s the thing. Sometimes following your curiosity will lead you to your passion...."
“And here’s the thing. Sometimes following your curiosity will lead you to your passion. Sometimes it won’t, and then guess what? That’s still totally fine. You’ve lived a life following your curiosity. You’ve created a life that is a very interesting thing, different from anybody else’s. And your life itself then becomes the work of art, not so much contingent upon what you produced, but about a certain spirit of being that I think is a lot more interesting and also a lot more sustainable.” - Elizabeth Gilbert, “Choosing Curiosity Over Fear” (On Being)
07.06.2018 - 20:37:26
"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another;..."
“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” - Anais Nin
18.04.2018 - 01:28:07
Debunking the Eureka Moment: Creative Thinking Is a Process
Debunking the Eureka Moment: Creative Thinking Is a Process: “In the 1960s, a creative performance researcher named George Land conducted a study of 1,600 five-year-olds and 98 percent of the children scored in the “highly creative” range. Dr. Land re-tested each subject during five year increments. When the same children were 10-years-old, only 30 percent scored in the highly creative range. This number dropped to 12 percent by age 15 and just 2 percent by age 25. As the children grew into adults they effectively had the creativity trained out of them. In the words of Dr. Land, “non-creative behavior is learned.”
16.04.2018 - 23:01:24
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